Love me?

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Love me?

In the seventies the donors starting asking the rather absurd question:

<< what have you done with the project funds we gave to you ?>>

Then a new industry developed : Evaluation!

Everything had to be evaluated. Up to the point when the evaluation was evaluated. After billions of dollars had been spent and years of work hours wasted, the courageous ones would be heard to whisper that it was as it was before, you were satisfied or you were not satisfied, but you had to cook figures to support your preconceived idea

Let us say that suddenly someone comes at you door, claims to be from the City Council and has been mandated to ascertained whether you love efficiently your husband (the reverse case being hypothetic and unrealistic is not envisaged in this text).

The investigator walks into your house and you get a bad mark because:

you did not bow deep enough when he entered.

you did not offer refreshments

you did not enquire whether he had had a good trip

you were not dressed for the occasion.

there was a milk bottle on your door step.

you said welcome when you should have said "much honored Sir,"

you said <<much honored, Sir, while you should have said welcome">>

your neighbors HI-Fi and Home-Cinema are on.

The investigator sits down (I do assume that you are not such fools that you would also sit down), takes out his documents.

The normal way to conduct the evaluation is the following, and do not think that the United Nations have not spent millions of dollars to develop these very pertinent questions.

Investigator:

<< I see that you do not have in your hand your performance chart, could you kindly explain why?>>

Performance Chart??????

<< Am I to understand that you are not aware of the present location of your goal realization chart and your accomplishment percentage? >>

Goal Performance Chart??? Performance percentage ???

If the investigator is in a good mood (why do I write such stupid things, they never are) he gives you a copy of your marriage vows.

<< Well I suggest that we start at paragraph one Madame, if this is not expecting too much from you Madame as you have apparently not kept your project evaluation system operational according to guideline U.N. 1934, revised 1954 >>

<< Are you with me now Madame or would you possibly have more demanding task that would prevent you for giving me your full attention, however little that may be? >>

But who are you, and what gives you the right?

The evaluator notes:

<< Clearly confused Project Manager.

<< Short attention span.

<< tendencies to paranoia

Evaluator:

<< Well Madame let us make the absurd supposition that you are now with us and ready to present your case >>

My case???

Evaluator picks out his cell phone :

<< I have another of these Project Managers who seems to have gone over the limit due to the stress and is possibly on the verge to schizophrenia, could you send me the back-up squad?>>

But you know evaluator, hard boiled eggs, has seen much in his life, not to be scared by such a situation, so he goes on while waiting for back-up:

<< Well, as we are waiting for my colleagues, let us handle routine stuff, even you should be able to handle that, therefore kindly show me your accounts, your check book, your monthly expenditure forecast, your contingency plans for next month and your debt repayment schedule >>

Dear Readers, even if you appear to be a bit confused I will let you keep guessing on the development of the evaluation, let me just give you a hint about question 36 and 39

<< Madame, could you truthfully state that your extra marital affairs did not in any way hinder the proper development of your project ?>>

<< Madame, can you kindly ensure that your out of site activities did not prevent the accomplishment of the duties foreseen in your contract ?>>

While to you, wise reader, all this sounds like run of the mill normal dutiful questions, in the life of a Project Manager, Evaluation is much tougher.

The reason, the main reason?

Very simple, the fund supplier has discovered that he is really intended to provide the funds he promised, he made that undertaking 3 years ago under another government, it is now easier to fire the manager rather than admit that he ai broke.

Governments pushed around the seventies by a stupid modern thinking started to develop a rather ungentlemanly like attitude. Suddenly, people who until than had behaved like normal well groomed civil servants, were instructed that the "public" wanted to know what had been done with the money. Think in what a mess Civil Service would be if they suddenly would have to account to the public where the money was and what they had not done with it.

So Project Management became do longer to get things done the best you could but to cook up likely stories to explain why things had not been done. They had not been done because you were spending half your time

preparing action sheet

filling financial statements

conducting Self auditing

Reporting

Reporting on reports

Summarizing reports

Writing Special Reports

Replying to questions about reports.

Asking for money

Reminding that you had not received the funds

Explaining that you could not report on the use of the funds as you had not received them.

Explain to your supervisor why<< He>> had not provided you with the funds in time in such a way that he would look great and you like a sick worm.

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